Moms With Anxiety: 10 WAYS TO COPE

Having anxiety as a mother is challenging. The worst-case scenarios plague your imagination and keep you up at night. It is unfortunate that moms with anxiety is so common.

Being a mother can be overwhelming. After having a child, it is easy to experience anxiety. You are trying to balance so many different tasks and keep another human being alive. You are trying to take care of yourself and everyone else too!

Whether you have an anxiety disorder or struggling with post-partum depression know that you aren’t alone and don’t be embarrassed to seek professional help.

10 Ways to Cope with Mom Anxiety

Raising children is tough, especially when you are an anxious mom. There are many ways to reduce anxiety and help you diminish its effects.

1. Ask for Help

It is so hard to ask for help when you are a mother. You think you should be able to balance it all. Your next-door neighbor appears to be doing it why can’t you?!

First of all don’t compare yourself to your neighbor, Instagram friends, or the other moms you see after school when picking up your children. You have NO IDEA what they are going through. You get to see the HIGHLIGHTS. Heaven forbid we actually talk about what is truly going on in our lives.

When you are overwhelmed, ask for help. There are many different ways you can get help where it is needed. Here are a few ways you can ask for help:

• Hire a babysitter once a month so you can go on a date with your significant other
• Hire a house cleaner to clean your house every week
• Hire a landscaper to mow your lawn and weed your garden
• Ask a family member to watch your kids so you can have a “me” day
• Ask a friend to bring you a meal

Depending on your current needs you can find many different ways to ask for help.

2. Take a Break

This one is important. I think it is so common in our culture to “fill” our schedule. We are encouraged to get “busy”. Business can steal joy and detour you away from your core values.

In my experience taking a break has a lot to do with learning how to say no to others. Saying no can be liberating, give you time in your schedule to take a break, and help with your overall wellness.

Taking a break can look different for each mother. Here are some examples of taking a break:

• Have your significant other do the bedtime routine so you have an hour to yourself
• Take a day off of work and have a “me” day
• Go on a vacation
• Clear one activity from your schedule
• Meet up with a friend and go to lunch

Taking a break can look different for each of us but it can help you become energized and reduce feeling anxious.

3. Find a Therapist

Being able to talk with someone you don’t know can be a great way for you to express your feelings and learn coping mechanisms for anxiety.

Therapy is a good place to start when you are a mental illness or struggling with life. It is good to have a non-biased perspective from someone who doesn’t know you personally.

There are many ways you can do therapy. You can go in person or do it online.

4. Discuss Your Concerns With Your Primary Care Doctor

Seeking care from a healthcare professional is helpful when you are struggling with your mental health.

Sometimes, these imbalances are caused by hormones or other conditions that can be easily treated. Other times anxiety is triggered by trauma, stress, and past experiences.

A healthcare professional can work through treatment options with you and find a long-term plan. If necessary your doctor may start you on medication.

5. Meditate with an App

Meditating, in general, is a helpful way to reduce anxiety. It allows you to take a break from your busy day, is relaxing, and helps you cope with anxious thoughts.

I love the Headspace app. Headspace is a guided meditation that really encourages you to focus, and not fight your anxious thoughts yet teaches you to not dwell on those thoughts either.

Meditation is a really powerful self-care tool. It is a tool that helps your mental health. It is one of the best self-care ideas for moms who are busy.

6. Practice Breathing

When you meditate or learn coping mechanisms for your anxiety, one of the first things you will learn is how to breathe.

Breathing deep encourages your body to relax and fights your stress response or your sympathetic nervous system. If your stress response starts to take over, your anxiety typically heightens. Breathing is an easy tool you can do to quickly respond to your anxiety.

One tip that can be helpful is to practice deep breathing when you are not anxious. That way when you have an anxiety or panic attack you will automatically know what to do because you’ve practiced.

Breathe in through your nose as deeply as you can, hold it for a few seconds, then slowly breathe out through your mouth. Repeat this pattern of breathing for as long as you need.

7. Take Care of Yourself

There are a lot of ways you can take care of yourself. We will touch on a few things that can be powerful tools to reduce anxiety:

Eat Healthy

Eating healthy is important for your physical wellness. Food can alter how we feel including enhancing our anxiety. Try and drink lots of water, and eat a diet high in complex carbohydrates like oatmeal, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Try and find recipes that are made with nutritious ingredients yet easy to make.

Exercise

Exercising is a powerful tool for our physical and mental health. Many studies show that people who exercise have a reduction in anxiety symptoms.

Sleep

Mothers who have anxiety tend to have an overactive mind at night. This can lead to not sleeping well. Less sleep can heighten our anxiety symptoms. This leads to a negative feedback loop. Mothers should try and get 7 or more hours of sleep a night.

Limit Alcohol and Caffeine

Limiting alcohol and caffeine can help reduce the symptoms of anxiety. Alcohol is a depressant which means it slows down the brains function. If abused, although it makes you feel good in the moment its can lead to more anxiety and depression down the road. Caffeine on the other hand is a stimulant which speed up the brains function. If abused, although it makes you more alert and focuses, it can lead to increase anxiety and panic attacks.

7. Don’t Worry About Tomorrow

This is easier said than done. Many mothers are super planners because that is what the job entails if we want our households to run smoothly.

Being a good planner can permeate into future worry because we are always trying to avoid problems. Being in the future can take away from the joy of today.

There are 3 bible verses I love that speak about worry:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet our heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

Matthew 6: 25-27 (NIV)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.

Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

8. Try Not to Let the Little Things Get to You

Mothers tend to worry about everything, which can lead to anxiety. But what if we didn’t worry about the little things? Who cares if Susie wore mismatched socks to school or if little Johnny didn’t get everything he wanted for Christmas?

Life would be more enjoyable if our worries didn’t continually overrun our lifes. What if we were only worried about the things that truly matter? Life would look a lot different.

9. Don’t Do it Alone (talk to your family and friends)

It is never a good idea to walk through life or struggles alone. Find trusted individuals who can love, support, and keep you accountable.

When you can let others in you may feel better like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. Having strong social support can help our anxiety tremendously.

10. Accept Your Anxiety but Don’t Dwell on It

For many of us, anxiety may come and go but for others, it may stick around and not give us a break. If you can accept that it is there you can then learn to manage it.

Once you aren’t in denial about your anxiety don’t dwell on it. Dwelling on anxiety can lead to avoidance of the activities or things we are anxious about. Avoidance can lead to more anxiety. It produces a negative feedback cycle that once engrained can be hard to break.

Dwelling on anxiety can lead to overthinking certain thoughts or situations. This is called rumination.

How the heck do we accept anxiety and not think about it 24/7? The biggest factor is understanding why you have anxiety and figuring out what triggers it. That way you can be prepared to handle the stress that life gives us.

Knowing yourself intimately can help adjust your life, realign to your core values, and help you be better prepared for the effects of anxiety.

What does anxiety feel like?

Anxiety can present itself in different ways but here are some of the common ways anxiety can affect us physically:

• Difficulty sleeping
• Fatigue
• Increased breathing (rapid breathing)
• Reduced concentration
• Avoiding activities
• Irritable
• Feeling worked up or on edge
• Feeling like you can’t breathe
• Feeling nauseous or sick
• Muscles feeling tight or jaw clenching
• Feeling nervous

The Causes of Anxiety In Motherhood

Many times anxiety was present before motherhood and others it starts after having a baby. Sometimes you can have both.

Generalized Anxiety disorder is a disorder that can be caused by genetics, personality, and brain chemistry imbalances. Stress that adds up over time can also cause anxiety along with negative events that have happened in the past or present. Sometimes medical conditions such as heart problems and thyroid conditions can cause anxiety. It is always best to visit with a healthcare profession when you feel anxious.

Postnatal Anxiety is an anxiety disorder that can develop before giving birth or after giving birth. Studies show that its onset can happen multiple years after the birth of your child. Newer research suggests postnatal anxiety and depression are common to start around the time your child turns 4. Motherhood brings chaos, stress, and new experiences that you can’t control. Mix this with the lack of sleep and this is a recipe for anxiety.

Moms With Anxiety: A Personal Struggle

A close friend shared her experience with anxiety as a mother. Here is her story:

I never had anxiety until I had children. As a matter of fact, my “mom anxiety” didn’t show up until I had my second child during the COVID-19 pandemic. Not only was I worried about the health and safety of my children, I was also worried about all of the other things motherhood brings.

As a working mother, I was always nervous about the next phone call from daycare telling me they were going to have to close it down due to COVID-19. I felt like I was always trying to choose between my career, staying at work, or staying home with my kids for the 10-14 day “quarantine” period. My sick time was depleted and I was going through my vacation like a kid eating candy on Halloween. I was worried about my kids getting sick or if I would get sick and not be able to care for my family.

Thoughts about everything that could go wrong plagued my mind. I wanted to avoid people because everyone could have COVID. My heart would race and I wouldn’t be able to breathe every time the second I was stuck in a room with people. I become obsessed with washing my hands, my clothes, door nobs, and the countertop.

Motherhood Became Unmanageable

Having two small children motherhood in general became unmanageable as I couldn’t keep up with work, the house chores, and my children. It became too much. I felt sick constantly and was extremely nauseous. The thought of balancing a career and a family was daunting.

One day, enough was enough. I decided to face my anxiety. I saw a counselor, practiced mindfulness, and was honest with my family about the troubles I was facing.

My anxiety hasn’t gone away. It is something I may always face. But I know with the proper tools and support anxiety can be managed with practice and awareness.

10 Ways to Cope with Mom Anxiety Wrap-up

Moms with anxiety is unfortunately very common. The way our current society is set up and the pressures post-pandemic have heightened anxiety.

There is a multitude of ways you can cope with anxiety as a mother. Ask for help when you need it, take breaks that include self-care, seek professional help, and take care of yourself as best as you can.

If your needs aren’t being met as a mother how do you expect to meet the needs of those you love. Motherhood isn’t easy. It is messy, overwhelming, and worth it. It is easy to get the joys of being a mom ripped from you because you are worried about tomorrow and the little things in life.

Moms with anxiety can deteriorate your quality of life. Sit with your anxiety and try to understand it. Once you do, don’t dwell on it but rather accept it and focus on what is important. Readjust your priorities, say no to the things that don’t align with those priorities, and focus on your family.